Recently I was having a conversation with someone who commented on how Mr. SoNSo consistently makes racist remarks at gatherings. I asked, “Well, what do you do when that happens?”. He responded that he usually says something like “Oh, you’re terrible”.  I pointed out that I think that reaction could be construed as “Oh, I think what you said is funny even though I wouldn’t say it myself.” He agreed it could be interpreted this way and was disturbed by the idea. I then asked him if he would have reacted the same way if a couple of his friends from work who were of a different race were standing there as well if he would have responded differently. He said, yes he would have.  Why? Because he didn’t think what was said was “right” or “just”.  “Well then” I asked, “Don’t you think it stands to reason that your behavior should be consistent with how you would react if your friend was standing there looking over our shoulder and listening?” He agreed that this made sense. Now just as a little background, this was a social occasion at someone’s house and the person making racial remarks was the father of the host.

Taking this to more general philosophical level for a moment here,  I tend to subscribe the philosophy that  “the easy way is the hard way and the hard way is the easy way”.  Yet while I gave this more thought I also thought about general statements I hear my martial arts teacher such as “What is wrong with everyone having their own opinion?” And , inwardly I quickly agree. Yet, in this situation I can’t help but think sometimes you need to take the more difficult road. If I am really being my “true self”, then that self is not the type of person who lets remarks like this pass in silent consent. Now I’m not saying I start any sort of argument. I simply let it be known that I do not agree with this way of thinking.

Is this a social faux pas or is it an opportunity to introduce another way of thinking? How does positive change ever take place in society if we all just stand mute by due to concern over social niceties? Now, I don’t actually care to debate the point with people like this because my experience is they will not change their minds on their way of thinking any more likely than I am to come around to their way of thinking. Also,  I do indeed subscribe the philosophy that you can’t change others…only your reactions to them. Yet, with a little negative social push back, perhaps people such as this might think twice before uttering these racial slurs in my presence or others. Perhaps with a firmly stated “I couldn’t disagree with you more” statement others might even chime in “me either”.

Now, I have to tell you. That is the nice version of what I’d really like to say to such people. What I really want to ask of this regular church goer is where in the scriptures does it say “love all mankind… unless his race, religion or creed differs from yours then by all means feel free to hate and spead that hate around!”.  Nope, pretty sure it doesn’t say that anywhere.

And so perhaps I will be stuck with a reputation of being a bit difficult at family gatherings. Yet, what I really want is to utter something that triggers just a glimmer of enlightenment. Plant the smallest of seeds that if we are all indeed one and to hate another is to hate yourself. After all, change doesn’t happen over night. Step by step.

What would you do in that situation? What is your own personal philosophy towards predjudice of any kind? Speak or hold your tongue? Please leave me your thoughts.