Recently I was having a conversation with someone who commented on how Mr. SoNSo consistently makes racist remarks at gatherings. I asked, “Well, what do you do when that happens?”. He responded that he usually says something like “Oh, you’re terrible”.  I pointed out that I think that reaction could be construed as “Oh, I think what you said is funny even though I wouldn’t say it myself.” He agreed it could be interpreted this way and was disturbed by the idea. I then asked him if he would have reacted the same way if a couple of his friends from work who were of a different race were standing there as well if he would have responded differently. He said, yes he would have.  Why? Because he didn’t think what was said was “right” or “just”.  “Well then” I asked, “Don’t you think it stands to reason that your behavior should be consistent with how you would react if your friend was standing there looking over our shoulder and listening?” He agreed that this made sense. Now just as a little background, this was a social occasion at someone’s house and the person making racial remarks was the father of the host.

Taking this to more general philosophical level for a moment here,  I tend to subscribe the philosophy that  “the easy way is the hard way and the hard way is the easy way”.  Yet while I gave this more thought I also thought about general statements I hear my martial arts teacher such as “What is wrong with everyone having their own opinion?” And , inwardly I quickly agree. Yet, in this situation I can’t help but think sometimes you need to take the more difficult road. If I am really being my “true self”, then that self is not the type of person who lets remarks like this pass in silent consent. Now I’m not saying I start any sort of argument. I simply let it be known that I do not agree with this way of thinking.

Is this a social faux pas or is it an opportunity to introduce another way of thinking? How does positive change ever take place in society if we all just stand mute by due to concern over social niceties? Now, I don’t actually care to debate the point with people like this because my experience is they will not change their minds on their way of thinking any more likely than I am to come around to their way of thinking. Also,  I do indeed subscribe the philosophy that you can’t change others…only your reactions to them. Yet, with a little negative social push back, perhaps people such as this might think twice before uttering these racial slurs in my presence or others. Perhaps with a firmly stated “I couldn’t disagree with you more” statement others might even chime in “me either”.

Now, I have to tell you. That is the nice version of what I’d really like to say to such people. What I really want to ask of this regular church goer is where in the scriptures does it say “love all mankind… unless his race, religion or creed differs from yours then by all means feel free to hate and spead that hate around!”.  Nope, pretty sure it doesn’t say that anywhere.

And so perhaps I will be stuck with a reputation of being a bit difficult at family gatherings. Yet, what I really want is to utter something that triggers just a glimmer of enlightenment. Plant the smallest of seeds that if we are all indeed one and to hate another is to hate yourself. After all, change doesn’t happen over night. Step by step.

What would you do in that situation? What is your own personal philosophy towards predjudice of any kind? Speak or hold your tongue? Please leave me your thoughts.

Spring is finally here with everything just getting ready to change and blossom.  Always a great reminder to take stock on how the personal growth is coming along. Have I grown in the past few months? Have you?

Something that has been pointed out to me along the lines of where I have some room for personal growth is that I tend to hide a bit.  I have some trouble being in a room and being singled out (even for something positive).  So, when I am told I have room for growth in this area, I have to recognize the truth in this statement. This is something that my martial arts practice, and my teacher, helps me to do; recognize and acknowledge where change Is needed.

But recognizing the need for improvement is not enough is it? We can’t just own it and then do nothing.

We need to be grateful to the people who point flaws out to us, even when they can sometimes be hard to hear.  It often takes a little pain for real growth to take place though and knowing this can sometimes help us accept that.

And so, with a heightended self awareness and some discomfort I begin to let others get a glimpse of my true self.

The physical side of the martial arts is something I love but it is the mental aspects, the philosophy behind the martial arts that lights me up and sustains me when the physical aspects prove so challenging.

When I am practicing in class and it gets so tiring, so difficult, so frustrating I sometimes think - this is just too hard. But then another voice comes to my rescue. Reminding me that the self defense aspect and the physical exercise I get from my martial arts is only one half of the equation. I am getting out of the practice so much more than that. I am learning lessons that help me in all areas of my life.  The education I am receiving is invaluable.

I am continually grateful for my teacher and his commitment and ability to communicate the martial arts philosophy behind our practice because it has enriched my life and broadened my perspective on so many things.  He takes every opportunity to enourage our personal growth. He constantly reminds us to sit down and meditate to help achieve a greater sense of inner peace and calm. Things so needed in the world today. Yet he is quick to point out that it is the body and mind together that helps give us the internal fortitude and resources needed to find our own way.  But you don’t need to hear it from me. It is far better to learn it directly from my teacher and I am happy to say now you can. His weekly meditation talks given to his students have been captured on video and now featured on BodyMindAwakening.com.  I am genuinely pleased that more people will get a chance to listen and learn from this man who has dedicated his entire life to the practice of martial arts and to helping others deal with with their own challenges. On the site there are other things as well such as meditation tips, recommended reading and a philosophy section.  Why not go check it out?

Happy New Year!

I recently read an article about how a Grandmaster of the Israeli martial art, Krav Maga, came to give advanced training to some students in NJ, where he seemed to focus more on which of the 4 main organizations of Krav Maga is the true successor of Imi Lichtenfeld than he did on the students he was there to teach. Lots of infighting and arguing seemed to be going on,  “They all say they are the originals,” Gidon fumed, through a translator. “But if you say you are the originals, show us your proof!”

Certainly lineage is an important part of any martial art but this attitude of being adversaries with one another, of needing to “prove” something, is really the antithesis of my own understanding of what true martial arts is about. The philosophy behind the martial arts, as it is has been taught to me, is about trying to take the higher ground, to lift others up; not tear them down.

Martial arts philosophy places emphasis on qualities such as self-control, respect for others, a calm and peaceful disposition. Authentic martial arts training teaches the concept of oneness, and therefore we want good things for others. It is said that when one becomes a true martial artist, they have no need to fight others to prove anything. Through years of meditative practice and physical training, the practictioner becomes physically, mentally and emotionally strong enough to have no need for fighting. When there is no ego, there is nothing left to defend in the spiritual sense at least. That alone eliminates so many instances where one might find themselves tempted to engage in a verbal or physical fight. So when the only thing left is the genuine need to defend your physical self, you are well equipped to do so when there is no other alternative. 

In addition to my own Shifu’s teachings, he shares with us a program called “Lessons in Mindfulness” by Sifu Robert Brown. I have found this to be very helpful in facilitiating my understanding of the philosophy behind the martial arts. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him once and he was filled with positive energy and generosity of spirit in wanting to share his outlook on the philosophy of martial arts. I’m sure he has helped many a student with this aspect of their practice.

How do we live a life with no regrets?

Do we try to live a life free of mistakes? Impossible. We will make them. No question. To err is human and all that.  

I think it has to do with giving 100% to whatever you do. Those times when I know I’ve truly done that are some of my best moments in my life. Even if things don’t turn out just as you hoped at least you know did all you could.  Maybe you are testing for the next level. Rather than focusing on that next promotion in whatever discipline of martial arts you practice, what if your only thought was to go full out? Then you know, at the end as you sit there sweaty and exhausted you did what you could. The rest won’t matter so much.  Even if you don’t pass…what more could you have done? 

Yet people tend to get complacent. Seems it is just human nature to take the people and things in our lives that are seemingly constant and take them for granted. It takes awareness and self discpline not to just go through our days like little robots. Always expecting to get a second chance at it all the next day.

I remember when my father died after being diagnosed with cancer only 2 weeks before. I looked back at my time with him and thought…I am so glad that he knew just how much I loved him.  By the same token, I knew how much he loved me. I remember him saying to me towards the end “I should have told you I loved you more often.” I said “Dad, you told me everyday - you just didn’t always use words.”  I knew the same was true of me - I may not have said it all the time but I showed it in many ways. I had no regrets on that one - I appreciated him while he was alive and was not plagued with “I should haves”. And that was something that got me through a very difficult time.

So what is the cure for regret? What is the antedote? Just go all out each and every day. Appreciate the people in your life.  Show them you love them. Smile at strangers in the elevators and make their day a little nicer fo having passed through with you even for a few moments.

Look around you. Notice things, feel them, listen to them, taste them and embrace them. It is all we can do. We can’t go back and change what has already happened and we can’t control what is going to happen so we might as well get all we can out of this very moment. 

And one day, we hopefully we will look back and say whatever happened…I truly lived.  No regrets.