We hear about people dying needlessly everyday but I was truly taken aback to read a story in the newspaper today about a temporary Walmart employee being trampled to death by the Black Friday shopping crowd out in Long Island, NY.

Apparently, these shoppers were so hungry for their bargains that they actually broke down the doors of the store and trampled this maintenance worker. I wonder if the following day or on Christmas morning these shoppers will look at around at all their worldly goods and feel it was worth it? Knowing that a 34 year old man’s life was traded for what exactly? A video game? A new coat? A Hannah Montana doll?

What was it that caused these people to cast all sense of humanity aside and knock this man to the ground? The scene was later described by police as “utter chaos” and employees said the customers were “acting like savages”. Even after it was announced that they must leave because an employee was killed, it is reported that people were yelling in protest saying that they were on line since yesterday. These people wanted to keep shopping!!

If this is not one of the most saddest commentaries of how greed and want have taken over our society today, I’m not sure what is.  I honestly believe that if more people were exposed to traditional martial arts education where things like self control, patience, awareness and meditation are taught and valued over things like material things and a “me first” mentality something like this would not have taken place.

Rather than getting caught up in the chaos and frenzy, people would have the clarity of thought to recognize the fact that the acquisition of things does not equate with true happiness. Our value in this society cannot be measured by the amount of stuff we have. A clear mind would not have not been so easily seduced.

Just imagine for a moment the reaction of family getting the phone call being told that their loved one died in a throng of people out to get a “bargain”.  Such an avoidable, senseless death.  It saddens me to think of what kind of holiday season they will be having this year and each one following.

If there is growth to be had in face of tragedy, then one can only hope that this event and the attention it receives will serve as a giant wake up call. 

I see the economic situation we are in as just that. A wake up call. Our society is led astray. We are placing too much value and time on the wrong things. I am hoping that this distress will eventually lead to a shift of consciousness. As our material possessions get stripped away we will be forced to realize what is truly important and that it is not found on the shelves of a store.

Helping us to look within -that is what martial arts training at its best is really about. It provides each of us with a road map. It points us to the areas where we need to work on ourselves. In doing so, we benefit everyone around us.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. A special day for giving thanks. But I wonder why we need a special day on the calendar to remind us to be thankful?  So much to be grateful for every day when we stop and think about it.

I don’t come from a “glass is always half full” upbringing.  So remembering to really focus on the good in a situation rather than the bad is a learned behavior for me. One that takes practice. But as with anything with enough practice it wil become habit over time.

Just the other day I was driving my kids home from school using my husband’s uncle car while my car was in the shop.  None of us really enjoy being in that car because it is rarely used and so has a pretty stale smell to it. My daughter complains each time she is in it. So as I drove home she brings up how much she dislikes riding in it - again.  She wanted to know when I could get my car back because this one smelled so bad. You know what? I was on the verge of agreeing with her and then caught myself. 

Instead, I decided to point out how bitter cold it was out that day and how their school is a pretty far walk from our house. Would she rather be walking home with her ridiculously heavy backpack that contains everything just short of the kitchen sink?

I told her I was grateful for the car because without it I’d be in a bind. How would I get to get to work, to their school, to kung fu class etc.  I told her I, for one, was grateful to have this car to use in the meantime. Wasn’t it better to focus on that that rather than complain?

Did she get it? No, but over time…she will… if I keep instilling it . One day, she will look at her glass and see it is half full.  She will learn to look up at the sky, not just to check for rain, but to give thanks. Thanks for the brilliant colors in the leaves of fall, thanks for the mittens on her cold hands, thanks for sun helping to warm her face.  

One day she will look around and see many things to be thankful for… and it won’t even have to be Thanksgiving.

I think there is a time when everyone who takes martial arts feels discouraged. I think there is a time in everyone’s LIFE when they feel discouraged over one thing or another. If you haven’t felt that way yet, don’t worry you will. Probably many times over.

Let’s say you consistently show up for your martial arts classes (or fill in the blank here - your job, your relationship, tennis lesson, whatever), you try hard and still you just can’t seem to get it right. Or, maybe, you are sparring and feeling a bit beat up by those who are higher in rank, faster, younger or who just naturally seem to “get it”. Maybe you sense that your teacher (mother, father, employer etc) is not pleased with your progress. Perhaps, and for some this is worse, you haven’t been asked to test for the next level yet others, who are your juniors, are being promoted (in rank or to the job you wanted..you get the picture).

Whatever your own personal reasons are for feeling discouraged, what do you do when the going gets tough? Do you give up? Shed a few tears? Stomp your feet and ask yourself who needs the stress and aggravation of it all anyway? Well, may be tempting at times to do one or even all those things.

Before you get ready to up and quit your martial arts practice (or job, relationship, tennis lessons etc.) you might want to pause and reflect a bit. At least I find that it has always helped me in handling those periods of being discouraged. You know those times when you can’t seem to get anything “right”.

I think about something I heard my teacher once say. He was speaking with us at the end of a class and mentioned that a student had recently demonstrated something they had been doing for awhile (some simple breathing exercises - nothing complex) that I gathered did not too closely resemble what had been taught. 

 My teacher then asked what I thought was ultimately a pretty profound question and one that has stuck with me ever since. He asked “Where was the sincerity in this student’s practice?” Then he asked us, “How sincere are you in your practice?”

For me that was one of those “stop and look in the mirror moments.” One that I knew I needed to file away for future reference. Slide it out of my back pocket at the appropriate time and have a good long look. 

When I start to feel down about my martial arts training I ask myself that question. How sincere am I being in my practice? How many hours have I been practicing per week lately?  When I was practicing was it good, focused practice or was my mind all over the place? How good has my focus been while in my kung fu class? Was I really a hundred percent there when something was being said or demonstrated to me that I couldn’t seem to grasp?

Often, the answer comes back fairly clear that I could be doing more for myself. Why should I expect to “get it” if I am not giving it all of the time and effort I know it requires? Being honest with yourself isn’t always fun but I’m thinking it is necessary if you are serious about what you have invested all that time and effort in. Let’s face it, it is easier to limp off into the corner to lick your wounds all while  mumbling to yourself that no one understands you or the challenges that you face. 

But you know what I’m slowly finding out? EVERYONE has their challenges. Some you can see, some are well hidden… but everyone’s got them. The difference being is whether or not you let those act as excuses or if you are going to do your damnest to overcome them. 

During those moments of self examination, I remind myself of all the reasons I practice in the first place -the primary one being to improve my health.  When I keep that at the forefront of my mind it becomes much easier to pick myself back up and keep things in perspective.  After all, I’m not there to be the next female Bruce Lee. I’m there to try to do the best I can while getting the most out of the practice. 

A little honesty and self reflection can go a long way to helping you hang in there. So when you are feeling discouraged or are thinking about quitting… try stopping a moment and slide out that mirror.

Sincerity

I just read an article about why it can be intimidating for people to go to the gym. The main gist of it was that people concerned that they don’t look fit enough or hot enough to work out in front of others. Particularly those of the opposite sex.  There is also some fear of trying to go in and use equipment you are unfamiliar with and either making a fool of yourself or actually injuring yourself because you don’t know how to use it properly.

Thinking about this makes me feel gratitude for my own situation.  My martial arts classes include both men and women but there are none of those concerns. First off, we all dress in uniform and a not so flattering one at that which is a good thing. It is designed to allow for freedom of movement and not show off any body parts as the clothes are pretty loose.  This I’m sure is no accident. This helps everyone stay focused on the class and not on one another.  Probably more of an issue at beginner level where you may have some students come in that do not realize that the kung fu taught at my school is all about focusing on the practice itself.

So I can walk into a room where I am occasionally the only woman in the class, and not worry about any of that. I don’t think they see me as “a woman” per se as much as they see me as just another person there for similar reasons to their own.  I don’t have to worry about what I look like which is very freeing. I also don’t have to worry about using any complex equipment - other than trying to get my own body to do what I ask of it! :)  

We also either always have my teacher in the room or another instructor who will make a correction if you are doing something wrong particularly if it could result in injury. So no worries there.

When it comes to things like sparring, I like the fact that I don’t feel like my male counterparts make allowances based on my gender. I would hate to be in a class where I felt I was being given special compensation or condescended to based on the fact that I am a woman.

This may not be everyone’s experience in their martial arts school but if your class is all about flirting, big egos or if you find that your instructor or classmates patronize you because you are female, then you might want to take a walk and find yourself another school quickly because it doesn’t have to be that way.

The truth is you will never find me at a gym. It is not my thing at all. I signed once many years ago and it is one of the very few things I ever signed up for that I didn’t pursue. My martial arts training gives me a great workout. I am sweaty, exhausted and often feel great after a good, hard class. It helps train flexiblity, coordination, strength, balance, endurance, cardio, focus, awareness and so forth.  I don’t need more than that and I certainly don’t need the extra baggage of worrying about if I look good in my work out attire.

Now, I’m sorry ladies if some of you who love the gym disagree. That is fine and I encourage you to speak up if you do!  After all, if we all thought identically what a boring world this would be.

Granted, some women gravitate towards all female classes to avoid some of these issues. But I still won’t be joining the gym.  The mental training, the personal growth aspects coupled with the physical benefits of my martial arts practice is simply unmatched by any other activity that I’ve tried. 

So, I’m not really saying one is better than the other because we are all different and. I suppose what it really comes down to what you are really looking to get out of it. I will say this though, for me my martial arts classes will get my vote every time, hands down.

Naming your blog is sort of like naming your child.  It takes thought and consideration.  After all,  your blog is an extension and reflection on yourself…much like your child.  I could have chosen to call this “Martial Arts for Women” or some variation on that name but I chose instead to use the words Kung Fu in the title for a reason.

You see Kung fu does not necessarily have to be associated with any marital art. Kung fu (also written as gung fu), according to Wikipedia, “alludes to any individual accomplishment or cultivated skill obtained by long and hard work”.   My teacher will sometimes remind us of this when he senses people growing impatient to get to the next thing or level or frustrated at our current level. 

So you see if I manage over time through hard work and effort to build a really good website, one that proves to be of some value to women in some way either in the form of some support and encouragement in their own martial arts practice or in their spriritual development, then THAT is good kung fu too. 

To me kung fu represents perserverence (among other things) and I admire people who know how to perservere.  In our society today, we are being trained to want everything that is quick, easy and convenient.  I love that fact that my martial arts practice takes perserverance. I value it so much more because it isn’t easy.  I have respect for an art that requires so much effort be poured into it.  Sure, I get frustrated sometimes, I’m human. But I never seriously think of giving it up. I get too much out of it for that. So I keep trying knowing that, in time, I will get better at whatever it is I’m working on. That is really true of anything isn’t it? If we just don’t give up, eventually we will get better and have strengthened ourselves in the process.

So when I talk about Kung Fu for Women -this doesn’t have to mean I am talking about martial arts. Maybe your idea of good kung fu is learning to play the violin or writing a book or raising a family. Whatever your “kung fu” is, just do it with all your heart and soul.  And when it gets difficult and frustrating, embrace it. That is part of the journey. That is life teaching you to deal with those emotions and move past them, triumph over them. 

I like to write this stuff down so I can read it back to myself when I’m feeling that angst.  It helps me to remember that anything worth having is worth working for. I have children who need to know this too. It is not enough though for me to sit here and type it and have them read it one day. They need to see me living it. There is no better way I can teach them.  Maybe then, they too, will one day be doing their own good “kung fu”.