Recently I was having a conversation with someone who commented on how Mr. SoNSo consistently makes racist remarks at gatherings. I asked, “Well, what do you do when that happens?”. He responded that he usually says something like “Oh, you’re terrible”.  I pointed out that I think that reaction could be construed as “Oh, I think what you said is funny even though I wouldn’t say it myself.” He agreed it could be interpreted this way and was disturbed by the idea. I then asked him if he would have reacted the same way if a couple of his friends from work who were of a different race were standing there as well if he would have responded differently. He said, yes he would have.  Why? Because he didn’t think what was said was “right” or “just”.  “Well then” I asked, “Don’t you think it stands to reason that your behavior should be consistent with how you would react if your friend was standing there looking over our shoulder and listening?” He agreed that this made sense. Now just as a little background, this was a social occasion at someone’s house and the person making racial remarks was the father of the host.

Taking this to more general philosophical level for a moment here,  I tend to subscribe the philosophy that  “the easy way is the hard way and the hard way is the easy way”.  Yet while I gave this more thought I also thought about general statements I hear my martial arts teacher such as “What is wrong with everyone having their own opinion?” And , inwardly I quickly agree. Yet, in this situation I can’t help but think sometimes you need to take the more difficult road. If I am really being my “true self”, then that self is not the type of person who lets remarks like this pass in silent consent. Now I’m not saying I start any sort of argument. I simply let it be known that I do not agree with this way of thinking.

Is this a social faux pas or is it an opportunity to introduce another way of thinking? How does positive change ever take place in society if we all just stand mute by due to concern over social niceties? Now, I don’t actually care to debate the point with people like this because my experience is they will not change their minds on their way of thinking any more likely than I am to come around to their way of thinking. Also,  I do indeed subscribe the philosophy that you can’t change others…only your reactions to them. Yet, with a little negative social push back, perhaps people such as this might think twice before uttering these racial slurs in my presence or others. Perhaps with a firmly stated “I couldn’t disagree with you more” statement others might even chime in “me either”.

Now, I have to tell you. That is the nice version of what I’d really like to say to such people. What I really want to ask of this regular church goer is where in the scriptures does it say “love all mankind… unless his race, religion or creed differs from yours the by all means feel free to hate and spead that hate around!”.  Nope, pretty sure it doesn’t say that anywhere.

And so perhaps I will be stuck with a reputation of being a bit difficult at family gatherings. Yet, what I really want is to utter something that triggers just a glimmer of enlightenment. Plant the smallest of seeds that if we are all indeed one and to hate another is to hate yourself. After all, change doesn’t happen over night. Step by step.

What would you do in that situation? What is your own personal philosophy towards predjudice of any kind? Speak or hold your tongue? Please leave me your thoughts.

Each week at my kung fu school, my teacher hold weekly lectures that are referred to as meditation class because at the end of the talk we sit and meditate for about 15 minutes. Sometimes we ask questions during these talks and recently one came up about how can meditation help you deal with recovery from alcoholism. Apparently, meditation is part of the 12 step AA program which I didn’t know. Interesting.

It got me thinking about my own former addiction with cigarrettes. Almost 10 years ago I used smoke about a pack a day for more years than I care to recall.  I was really addicted both physically and mentally to those damn cigarettes. Then one day I found myself getting up from dinner out with friends so I could go outside and have my smoke. More and more that was happening as people were really starting to frown on smoking even when sitting in a smoking section if there was one.  So it didn’t matter if it was 20 degrees outside - out I would go disrupting a nice little get together to feed my addiction. Looking back my non smoking friends must have thought me ridiculous. Or ridiculously weak. What woke me up though was the fact that I realized cigarrettes were in control of me - they were the boss. I was a slave to my addiction. That is when I made up my mind to stop. Of course, I knew it was bad for my health and that was always in my guilty mind as I puffed away but that is what an addiction is isn’t it? Doing something despite the fact that you know it is harmful to you and doing it anyway.

So I quit and it was HARD. Really hard. I couldn’t imagine getting through the day much less the rest of my life without cigarettes. So I took it literally one minute at a time. When I got the urge to smoke, I delayed that feeling by exercising.  Often I would find that if I could delay the urge and put my mind on something else, it would pass. I was also replacing a bad habit with a good one. When I couldn’t exercise because I was at work, for example, I constantly had a bottle of water at my side and I drank tons of it. I actually lost weight instead of gaining it. This brought me into a whole new healthier life style and about a month later I took my first martial arts class and that was truly the end of my addiction.

You see now I was this person who was fit and health minded. Now I was amongst people who strived for self discipline not self indulgence. I became someone very different from the smoker I used to be. I quit and stayed quit, unlike my husband who did not make lifestyle changes, and slipped back a number of times. To this day, he still craves a smoke sometimes. I can honestly say I never even think about it.

Certainly, my kung fu classes helped because on a very basic level I would not have been able to keep up if I was still puffing away and I really wanted to do my best.  However, back then I didn’t meditate much and had I had this tool as well I know it would have really helped. Meditation helps train your mind to be in more control over your thoughts - exactly what the addicted person needs to stay off the drugs, alchohol whatever once the physical cravings have passed.  Sitting in meditation and working through those urges by focusing on the breath would been another way to work through those urges until they no longer held the same power. My breathing exercises also showed me how much damage had been done and how much rebuilding was necessary. 

Martial arts can be helpful on so many unexpected levels. I really admire the woman who had the courage to ask the question in class and I immediately had a deep respect for the transformation she is clearly working towards undergoing. I have little doubt that her chances for success are greatly increased thanks to her martial arts training. Good for her!

Have you kicked an addiction? If so, how did you do it? Please share your story.

In martial arts we talk about using our training to help us achieve our “true potential”. That certainly sounds good but what does it mean?

Well first off, I think we have to get in touch with our own beliefs and priorities. For me this this started out with identifying what things in my life had real value and meaning versus what thought and activities served no real purpose. Then tossing out most of those non essential activities and replacing them with ones that served me better.

Perhaps some of those things we do, are just to please others. Generally, speaking I think little good ever comes from doing something strictly to please someone else. Eventually don’t we learn to resent or dislike it? Maybe even ultimately rebel against it? Best to find some common ground - some give and take rather than completely setting ourselves aside just to make someone else happy. 

Having said that, once one has a firm grasp of what truly makes them happy (and unhappy) they can start to evaluate what things they are doing that is congruent with their own goals and beliefs. Just as an example, over the past 6 months to a year I have gotten back in touch with the fact that I enjoy writing. Yet, because it is not my profession, it never really ocurred to me I had anything of value to share or that I had the talent to do it. But recently, I have started to think differently about that. Perhaps I do. Perhaps we all do. I recalled how much I enjoyed telling and writing stories. People seemed to enjoy those stories and my mom always used to say I should do something with “that”. Whatever “that” is.

You see, I don’t think if not for the time I have spent meditating, practicing and taking the time to sit and enjoy nature if I would have found that piece of me again. But I am glad I rediscovered it and recently I have decided to pursue something that I have always wanted to try my hand at which is writing a book.  Why not? What have I got to lose? I even strongly suspect, that this is part of the journey I am suppose to taking. That this decision and the act of doing it is part of my “reaching my true potential.”  I guess over the next months or years I will find this out.

Some may automatically assume I will measure my success or failure in this writing venture based on whether or not I get the book published. Then if I do, the next “test” will be how many copies it sells. But I already know that this is not where I will get the value from the process.

Just one step toward reaching that “true potential”. But then again, that is all we can do. Take one step at a time and enjoy the ride along the way. Never forgetting that it is “the enjoyment of the ride”, with all of its ups and downs, that is the whole point.

Spring is finally here with everything just getting ready to change and blossom.  Always a great reminder to take stock on how the personal growth is coming along. Have I grown in the past few months? Have you?

Something that has been pointed out to me along the lines of where I have some room for personal growth is that I tend to hide a bit.  I have some trouble being in a room and being singled out (even for something positive).  So, when I am told I have room for growth in this area, I have to recognize the truth in this statement. This is something that my martial arts practice, and my teacher, helps me to do; recognize and acknowledge where change Is needed.

But recognizing the need for improvement is not enough is it? We can’t just own it and then do nothing.

We need to be grateful to the people who point flaws out to us, even when they can sometimes be hard to hear.  It often takes a little pain for real growth to take place though and knowing this can sometimes help us accept that.

And so, with a heightended self awareness and some discomfort I begin to let others get a glimpse of my true self.

The physical side of the martial arts is something I love but it is the mental aspects, the philosophy behind the martial arts that lights me up and sustains me when the physical aspects prove so challenging.

When I am practicing in class and it gets so tiring, so difficult, so frustrating I sometimes think - this is just too hard. But then another voice comes to my rescue. Reminding me that the self defense aspect and the physical exercise I get from my martial arts is only one half of the equation. I am getting out of the practice so much more than that. I am learning lessons that help me in all areas of my life.  The education I am receiving is invaluable.

I am continually grateful for my teacher and his committment and ability to communicate the martial arts philosophy behind our practice because it has enriched my life and broadened my perspective on so many things.  He takes every opportunity to enourage our personal growth. He constantly reminds us to sit down and meditate to help achieve a greater sense of inner peace and calm. Things so needed in the world today. Yet he is quick to point out that it is the body and mind together that helps give us the internal fortitude and resources needed to find our own way.  But you don’t need to hear it from me. It is far better to learn it directly from my teacher and I am happy to say now you can. His weekly meditation talks given to his students have been captured on video and now featured on BodyMindAwakening.com.  I am genuinely pleased that more people will get a chance to listen and learn from this man who has dedicated his entire life to the practice of martial arts and to helping others deal with with their own challenges. On the site there are other things as well such as meditation tips, recommended reading and a philosophy section.  Why not go check it out?

Happy New Year!

I recently read an article about how a Grandmaster of the Israeli martial art, Krav Maga, came to give advanced training to some students in NJ, where he seemed to focus more on which of the 4 main organizations of Krav Maga is the true successor of Imi Lichtenfeld than he did on the students he was there to teach. Lots of infighting and arguing seemed to be going on,  “They all say they are the originals,” Gidon fumed, through a translator. “But if you say you are the originals, show us your proof!”

Certainly lineage is an important part of any martial art but this attitude of being adversaries with one another, of needing to “prove” something, is really the antithesis of my own understanding of what true martial arts is about. The philosophy behind the martial arts, as it is has been taught to me, is about trying to take the higher ground, to lift others up; not tear them down.

Martial arts philosophy places emphasis on qualities such as self-control, respect for others, a calm and peaceful disposition. Authentic martial arts training teaches the concept of oneness, and therefore we want good things for others. It is said that when one becomes a true martial artist, they have no need to fight others to prove anything. Through years of meditative practice and physical training, the practictioner becomes physically, mentally and emotionally strong enough to have no need for fighting. When there is no ego, there is nothing left to defend in the spiritual sense at least. That alone eliminates so many instances where one might find themselves tempted to engage in a verbal or physical fight. So when the only thing left is the genuine need to defend your physical self, you are well equipped to do so when there is no other alternative. 

In addition to my own Shifu’s teachings, he shares with us a program called “Lessons in Mindfulness” by Sifu Robert Brown. I have found this to be very helpful in facilitiating my understanding of the philosophy behind the martial arts. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him once and he was filled with positive energy and generosity of spirit in wanting to share his outlook on the philosophy of martial arts. I’m sure he has helped many a student with this aspect of their practice.